6 Steps To Write an Apology Letter
If you would like to write an apology letter, there are several important steps that
you need to follow. If you follow these steps from start to finish, there is a good
chance that you have a solid apology letter in front of you. The steps include:
Step 1: Say That You Are Sorry
When you open your letter, the first thing you need to do is say that you are sorry.
Even though this sounds difficult, this is the most common location where people
make a mistake. If you do not open the letter by sincerely apologizing, the rest of
your letter is going to be off. Therefore, make sure you say these exact words: “I’m
sorry.” If you open the letter with “I’m sorry, but…” you are off to a bad start. This is
a sure sign that you are not actually going to take responsibility for what happened.
Therefore, always open your letter with the words: “I’m sorry.”
As an example of an apology letter, take a look at this one:
Dear Paul
I’m sorry…
There it is. A few simple words (and punctuation). The letter is already off to a good
start. We will refer back to this example as the rest of the steps unfold. If you start
your letter this way, you are off to a good start.
Step 2: Take Responsibility
The next thing you need to do is actually take responsibility for your mistakes. You
need to make sure that you show the other person that you are willing to take
responsibility for what happened. You should not put the responsibility on someone
else. You should not try to divide responsibilities between you and the other person.
You should not try to show that you are taking responsibility but, somehow, “it is
also this person’s fault.”
It takes a big person to take responsibility for mistakes. After all, this is probably
something that you were taught as a child. If you made a mistake, take responsibility
for it. If you own up to your actions, the other person is more likely to appreciate
this. As an example, let's refer back to the apology letter from above.
Dear Paul,
I’m sorry for not arriving at the airport to pick you up when I said that I would. It is
my fault and I am sorry for arriving so late. There is no excuse for me to keep you
waiting like that. You were probably wondering where your ride was. I cannot
imagine what you were thinking or how worried you were. It is entirely my fault
and I apologize.
As we move forward with the letter, you can see that this apology letter takes
responsibility for exactly what happened. “It is entirely my fault” and “there is no
happened. It is not excessively long, it clearly states that the individual is sorry, and
the person writing the letter obviously owns up to what happened.
Step 3: Describe Exactly What Happened During the Incident
After you take responsibility for what happened, you need to describe what you are
taking responsibility for. Saying “I’m sorry” and “it is all my fault” is great, but what
exactly is your fault? The other person needs to understand what happened and
why it was so hurtful to that person. Make sure that you remain focused on your
role. If it is just between you and the other person, try to refrain from mentioning
anything else. Otherwise, it may seem like you are deflecting blame.
As we refer back to the letter from above, you can see that steps 2 and 3 often blend
together. This is because you are describing what you are taking responsibility for
as you are taking responsibility for it. As long as everything they are toward the top,
you are going to be fine. Again, take a look at the example from above:
Dear Paul,
I’m sorry for not arriving at the airport to pick you up when I said that I would. It is
my fault and I am sorry for arriving so late. There is no excuse for me to keep you
waiting like that. You were probably wondering where your ride was. I cannot
imagine what you were thinking or how worried you were. It is entirely my fault
and I apologize.
During step 3, it is important for you to acknowledge what happened and why the
other person was harmed by it. You can clearly see that in the letter above. “I’m
sorry for arriving so late.” “You were probably wondering where your ride was.”
These are clear, concise statements that show you are thinking about the impact
your mistake had on the other person. If you focus on your role and how your
behavior impacted the other person, you are going to complete step 3. Make sure
you include this in your letter.
Step 4: Show That You Have a Plan
As the letter moves forward, you also need to make it clear that you are not going to
let this happen again. Saying something like, “this will not happen in the future” is a
great place to start. On the other hand, this would be more effective if you clearly
explain to the person how you are going to prevent this mistake from happening
again. Therefore, let's refer back to the letter above. The letter includes:
Dear Paul,
I’m sorry for not arriving at the airport to pick you up when I said that I would. It is
my fault and I am sorry for arriving so late. There is no excuse for me to keep you
waiting like that. You were probably wondering where your ride was. I cannot
imagine what you were thinking or how worried you were. It is entirely my fault
and I apologize.
This will never happen again, as I never intend to keep anyone waiting. In the future,
I will use alerts on my calendar that notify me when your flight gets in. This alert
will also let me know what flight you are on, which airport you are flying into, and
where I can pick you up. If something happens and I'm going to be late, I will let you
know in advance. That way, I do not keep you waiting.
Notice that the letter above clearly states what you are going to do next time to
prevent this situation from happening again. In the example, you are going to use
calendar alerts so you do not forget about the other person. Furthermore, you will
also let the person know if you are going to be late. That way, you do not leave them
hanging.
Step 5: Admit That You Were Wrong
As the letter comes to a close, you need to admit that you are wrong. If you are
wondering how to do that, simply state the words, “I was wrong.” It can take a lot for
you to write that in a letter. After all, you will need to put your pride to the side. At
the same time, if you do not admit you were wrong, it is not a full apology.
If you are wondering how to admit that you are wrong, simply state the words, “I
was wrong.”
Dear Paul,
I’m sorry for not arriving at the airport to pick you up when I said that I would. It is
my fault and I am sorry for arriving so late. There is no excuse for me to keep you
waiting like that. You were probably wondering where your ride was. I cannot
imagine what you were thinking or how worried you were. It is entirely my fault
and I apologize.
This will never happen again, as I never intend to keep anyone waiting. In the future,
I will use alerts on my calendar that notify me when your flight gets in. This alert
will also let me know what flight you are on, which airport you are flying into, and
where I can pick you up. If something happens and I'm going to be late, I will let you
know in advance. That way, I do not keep you waiting.
I was wrong. I needed to be there on time and I wasn't. I should have let you know I
was going to be late and I did not. For that, I apologize.
Notice that this section is not very long either. You get straight to the point by
admitting you were wrong. Then, you can move on.
Step 6: Ask for the Forgiveness of the Other Person
Finally, you want to make sure you ask for the forgiveness of the other person as
well. After all, you do not want to destroy this relationship. If the other person is
able to forgive you for what happened, everyone will be able to move forward. Take
a look at the example above one last time:
Dear Paul,
I’m sorry for not arriving at the airport to pick you up when I said that I would. It is
my fault and I am sorry for arriving so late. There is no excuse for me to keep you
waiting like that. You were probably wondering where your ride was. I cannot
imagine what you were thinking or how worried you were. It is entirely my fault
and I apologize.
This will never happen again, as I never intend to keep anyone waiting. In the future,
I will use alerts on my calendar that notify me when your flight gets in. This alert
will also let me know what flight you are on, which airport you are flying into, and
where I can pick you up. If something happens and I'm going to be late, I will let you
know in advance. That way, I do not keep you waiting.
I was wrong. I needed to be there on time and I wasn't. I should have let you know I
was going to be late and I did not. For that, I apologize. I humbly ask for your
forgiveness, and I hope we can move forward as friends.
Sincerely,
John
A little vulnerability matters a great deal. Show the other person that you mean
what you say.
If you are wondering how to write your apology letter, you are going to encounter
several challenges. Keep in mind that:
Making an apology does not mean you are a bad person. You are apologizing for
your behavior, not for your character as a whole.
You may have a tendency to get defensive. Try to avoid this. If you are defensive, you
are not apologizing. You might be worried that you are going to open the floodgate
to more accusations. Even though it is possible, you may feel resentment if you do
not apologize. Of course, depending on the exact nature of the situation, your
apology letter could change. For example, you may be a business owner taking
responsibility for the actions of your employee. If that happens, your apology letter
is going to be a bit different.
Or, if you are writing an apology letter that is intended for a group of people instead
of just a single person, you may need to alter the structure slightly.
Final Thoughts on Apology Letters
Without a doubt, it can be difficult to write an apology letter. After all, something
bad has transpired, and you are taking responsibility for what happened. If you are
able to write an effective apology letter, then you allow everyone to move forward
and strengthen your relationship.
Website: Developing Good Habits