Brownies When Words Hurt

When Words Hurt…

Girl Scout Brownie Leader’s Guide

Helping girls create healthy friendships by identifying & responding to bullying

Dear Girl Scout Brownie Leader,

As a Girl Scout leader and role model, you are in a great position to help girls learn how to have healthy relationships. This

skill will impact a girl for the rest of her life. As a values-based organization, Girl Scouts finds its foundation in the Girl Scout

Promise and Law. You can always rely on the principles found in the Girl Scout Promise and Law to help girls make decisions

or relate to one another.

According to the National Education Association, every day in the United States, more than 160,000 children miss school for

fear of being tormented by their peers. The American Medical Association has identified bullying as a “public health issue”.

Your understanding of how to identify and respond to bullying and potential bullying situations are important steps in helping

girls in your troop understand how to create healthy friendships.

We are not expecting you to be an expert on bullying. What we are expecting you to do is to gain awareness and an

understanding of what bullying is and to respond in a positive way when you are aware of a bullying situation. The activities

provided will help you teach girls how to stand up for themselves and for others, helping them understand the importance of

interacting with each other in a respectful and kind way. Girls need to know that it is okay not to like everyone, although we

still treat others with respect.

See the resource pages at the back of the Leader’s Guide. You will find material and resources on bullying and creating

healthy friendships.

To begin you will want to read

over the following definitions

and examples of bullying and

relational aggression behaviors to

familiarize yourself with the terms.

Bullying is a hurtful or harmful

behaviors, actions or words that

are intentional, have an imbalance

of power and are often repeated.

Targets of bullying often have

a difficult time standing up for

themselves. Bullying is different

than conflict in that conflicts

involve two people of equal power,

each with a different point of view.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, or

relational.

Relational aggression/bullying

(also called covert aggression,

social aggression, and emotional

bullying) is a form of bullying

that includes such behaviors as

exclusion, social isolation, rumor

spreading, malicious gossiping,

ignoring, creating “clubs” to leave

others out, cyber-bullying and

other related behaviors. Relational

aggression is behavior that is

intended to harm someone by

damaging or manipulating his/her

relationships with others. Girls

as young as preschool age use

relational aggression as a means

of power or control over their

peers.

Examples of bullying and relational aggressive behaviors:

Exclusion

• Not inviting someone to a party/event and letting everyone else know

• Forming groups (cliques) with strict “membership” requirements

• Saving seats so others have to leave

• Saying “You can’t play”

Alliance building

• Saying “You can’t be my friend if you spend time with her”

• Spreading gossip to be accepted in a group

• Choosing sides in a fight

• Getting others to agree with you and be “against” another girl

Rumors and gossip

• Telling someone’s secrets

• Talking about other girls’ problems

• Making fun of how another girl is dressed, what she likes, etc.

Physical aggression

• Pushing someone

• Knocking someone’s supplies onto the floor

• Kicking something someone has dropped on the floor

Verbal aggression

• Calling someone hurtful names

• Making fun of someone (hurtful teasing or taunting)

• Laughing at someone

This Leader’s Guide includes two

introductory activities to establish

a common vocabulary and give

girls examples of common bullying

situations. After the introductory

activities you may do any of the

activities in any order. A participant

patch is available for the When Words

Hurt… anti bullying initiative. We

recommend that a Girl Scout troop do

the introduction activities and at least

one more activity before receiving the

patch. Patches can be purchased at

the GSCV Retail Shop.

The following introduction activities

are done first to help girls understand

behaviors that “cross the line” and

the different role players in bullying or

relational aggression situations.

Introduction activity #1 – What crosses the line?

Objective:

Girls will recognize appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.

Materials:

Jump rope

Pre meeting preparation:

Review directions and concepts to prepare to present them to the group.

Activity directions:

1. Discuss the meaning of when something “crosses the line.” Be sure

the girls understand that this means any inappropriate behaviors,

words, tone of voice or actions. Reinforce that it is also subjective—we

all have different opinions on what “crosses the line.”

2. Place the jump rope on the floor. Ask the girls to line up, side-by-side,

with their toes about six inches from the rope.

3. Explain that you will read sample behaviors that the girls might see or

hear their peers or friends do during the school day or troop meeting.

If they think the behavior is “wrong,” meaning it “crosses the line,” ask

each girl to step over the rope. Be sure to repeat that each girl gets

to make her own choice of what she thinks crosses the line. Have

the girls go back to their original positions before you read the next

example.

4. Make notes of what the girls believe “crosses the line” for later

discussion.

Sample questions:

Saying, “I don’t want you to come to my birthday party.”

Saying, “Sorry, my mom said I can only invite 6 people to my birthday party, but

maybe you can come over to my house after school one day.”

Saying, “There’s room at our table. Sit here.”

Saying, “Sorry, this seat is saved and it’s not for you!”

Saying, “I really like the shirt you are wearing.”

Saying, “Wow. Did you really mean to wear that ugly shirt with those awful pants?”

Saying, “Only my friends can play this game with us.”

Saying, “Sure, everyone can play. You just need to wait your turn.”

Promising your best friend that you won’t be friends with another girl or boy.

Including everyone in your game at recess.

Passing a note about a girl or boy in your class.

Helping someone pick up something he or she has dropped.

Whispering about one of your classmates in the hall.

Telling an adult that someone called another student mean names.

Telling an adult that someone called you mean names.

Saying “hello” to a classmate you do not know very well.

Laughing at the losing team at recess.

Laughing at a funny joke a classmate tells.

Discussion:

• Have the girls return to their

seats and ask what they

noticed about the behaviors

where all or most of the girls

stepped over the line.

• Ask the girls if they have heard

of the word “bullying” (all

hands will go up!).

• Ask for their definition of

“bullying.” Explain that bullying

is when the same person or

people “cross the line” even

after they know they have

hurt someone. Bullying is on

purpose.

• Explain the different types

of bullying (hitting/pushing;

name-calling/teasing; leaving

someone out/saying, “you

can’t play”).

• If time allows, ask the girls for

a few examples of bullying

behaviors they see/hear at

school. Be sure to tell them

NO NAMES, just behaviors.

Mention that children can often

be rude to each other when having

a bad day or when angry with

someone, but this is not necessarily

bullying. Bullying is repeated and

intentional.

Introduction activity #2 - Power play

Objective:

Understand the different roles we each play in a bullying drama and recognize

we have a choice as to what role we play.

Materials:

• Two sets of the five signs (see pp. 13-17), each of the five signs

reading: Bully; Assistant Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender

• Scenarios

• 100 pennies (you could also use M&Ms, jelly beans)

Pre meeting preparation:

Read through the scenes and concepts to become familiar with them.

Activity directions:

• Explain the four roles of bullying, holding up each of the signs:

• Bully–Person who is hurting someone on purpose

• Assistant Bully–Stands next to the Bully and/or laughs along and agrees

with the bully.

• Bystander—Tries not to be involved.

• Target—Person who gets bullied.

• Defender—Helps stop the bullying.

• Ask for four volunteers.

• Each volunteer is given a sign.

• Tell the girls you’re going to read the scenes aloud. After the scene is

read, ask each girl what person in the scene fits the description of the

card they’re holding (for example, who was the bully in the story?).

Progress through the scenes from easy to medium to complicated.

Alternate activity: Split the girls into two groups. Give each girl a sign. Let

them read the scene and plan a skit that focuses on the role represented

on their sign.

• Discuss how their character behaved in the scene and why. Some sample

questions to help guide your discussion:

• Why do you think your character was the … (target, defender, bully,

bystander)?

• How does your character feel?

• Who has the power in this scene?

• Ask the girls, “Who really has the power in a bullying drama?” Present the

statistics using 100 pennies, and explain that the 100 pennies stand for

100% of people. Show the girls that out of every 100 people, or 100% of

people:

• 6, or 6%, bully

• 9, or 9%, are targeted

• 85, or 85%, are bystanders, assistant bullies, or defenders

• Talk about how much larger the group of 85 bystanders, assistant bullies,

or defenders is than either the group of six who bully and the group of

nine who are targeted, or even of both of those two groups combined.

Ask the girls, “What would happen if 85% of us stood up when we saw

bullying and said ‘No’”?

Scenes

1 - Angela won’t stop making fun of

Janelle because she wears clothes that

aren’t “cool.” Angela’s friend Tammy

says, “Yeah, Janelle, your clothes are so

weird.” Kim hears her but pretends not to

notice. Serena sees that Janelle is really

sad. When Angela walks by Janelle and

says, “Did you get those clothes from a

garage sale?” Serena says, “That’s mean,

Janelle. I think your shirt is pretty.”

2 - The girls on the soccer team are

planning a sleepover, but Janelle doesn’t

want to invite Serena because she’s new

to the team and too quiet. In school,

Janelle tells Serena, “Too bad you weren’t

invited to our sleepover.” Pam says she

agrees that Serena shouldn’t be invited

because she is so weird. Angela acts as if

she does not hear her. Kim tells Janelle,

“If you don’t invite Serena, I’m not coming

either. We’re supposed to be a team.”

3 - Kim has invited all of her friends to a

skating party. Angela doesn’t know how

to skate. Kim points at Angela and says,

“Look at her!” Sandra says, “How can you

not know how to skate?” Serena giggles.

Then Janelle says to Kim, “Not everyone

knows how to skate yet.” Janelle takes

Angela by the hand and they sit down for

a snack.

4 - Angela, Janelle, and Serena always get

to the swings first during recess. One day,

Serena won’t let a new girl, Kim, get on the

swings. Serena says, “You’re not part of

Serena’s super swing club.” Marissa says,

“Yeah. Why don’t you go find something

else to do?” Janelle just keeps swinging.

Kim tries to get on the swings but Serena

holds the swing out of her reach. Kim gets

tears in her eyes. Angela says, “That’s silly,

Serena. The swings are for everybody.”

Angela gives Kim her swing.

5 - Janelle is given the role of team

captain and is asked to pick her baseball

team. She chooses Kim, Cherese, and

Angela right away, but doesn’t pick

Serena. Cherese whispers and smiles

with Janelle and laughs. When Kim asks

her, “Why didn’t you pick Serena?”

Janelle replies, “I don’t want her on our

team. She always strikes out!”

Activity # 3 – Heart prints

Objective:

To help girls realize that hurtful,

mean things said and done can

stay with a person for a long time.

Materials:

• A paper heart for each girl

• Crayons or markers

Pre meeting preparation:

Cut out enough hearts so that

each girl in your troop has her own

Activity directions:

• Have each girl color their heart.

• Ask the girls, “What kinds of things do others say and do that hurt your

feelings?” Tell the girls that each time something is said that is hurtful

or mean, they are to make a fold on their paper heart.

• List of hurtful words and actions to get the discussion started:

• Saying – You can’t sit here.

• Doing – Pushing someone out of line.

• Saying – You’re not my friend.

• Doing – Knocking books out of someone’s hands.

• Saying – I don’t want to play with you.

• Saying – You can’t be on our team.

• Doing – Tripping someone as they walk out the door.

• Saying – You can’t play the game with us.

• Saying – Your clothes aren’t cool.

• Ask the girls, “What kinds of things do others say and do to help you

feel better?” Tell the girls that each time something is said that is kind,

they are to unfold one of the folds in their hearts. List kind words and

actions until everyone has unfolded their whole heart.

• Saying – Would you like to sit by me during lunch?

• Doing – Take someone by the hand and invite them to stand next to

you in line.

• Saying – I would really like it if you were my friend.

• Doing – Helping someone pick up their books that have been

knocked

onto the floor.

• Saying – Will you play with me at recess?

• Saying – Would you like to join our team?

• Doing – Helping someone up off the ground that has just been

tripped.

• Saying - Please play the game with us.

• Saying – You look really nice today.

• Have the girls smooth out their hearts as much as possible. Ask them

what they still see. They should observe that even though the heart

isn’t all folded up, the marks from the folds are still there.

• Explain that even though the hurtful things that happened didn’t last

forever, and some nice things even happened to help them feel better,

whenever something hurtful is done or said to someone that bad

feeling sticks around for a longer time and is still remembered inside.

We can never completely undo a hurtful action or word, so the best

thing is to keep it from happening in the first place.

Activity # 4 - Friendship recipe

Objective:

Girls understand what qualities make them a good friend to others and what

qualities to look for in a friend.

Materials:

• Pictures ( 2 cards with each of the following picture and word on them; see

pp. 18-

19):

• Ear – Good listener

• Hand – Helpful

• Heart – Caring

• Smiling face – Friendly

• Welcome with handshake – Accepting

• One hand passing item to other hand – Sharing

• Confetti – Fun (Or, mix in an actual bag of confetti)

• Blank cards for girls to draw own pictures for examples they think of

themselves

• Markers

• Large bowl or kettle

• Large stirring spoon

• Cut out paper dolls that are all connected to represent Friends Together

or a poster/picture that shows friends together.

Pre meeting preparation:

• Place still folded Friends Together paper dolls/poster/picture in pot ahead

of time so girls are not able to see it.

• Set pot or bowl and spoon in the center of a large table.

• Scatter all the items and cards on the table around the pot or bowl and

spoon.

Activity directions:

• Tell girls that you need their

help mixing up a recipe for

good friendships.

• Show the girls all the

ingredients already noted on

the cards and items that are

scattered on the table, taking

time to talk about each one.

• Ask the girls to think of any

other characteristics, and

have them draw a picture to

represent that characteristic.

• Have the girls help put the

ingredients into the bowl or

pot.

• Ask each girl to take a turn

stirring in order to mix up all

the ingredients.

• Once everyone has taken

their mixing turn, reach in and

pull out the Friends Together

paper dolls/poster/picture.

• Carefully unfold it and show it

to the girls.

• Find a good spot that the

paper dolls/poster/picture

can be hung up at every

meeting to serve as a reminder

of the ingredients for good

friendships.

Activity 5 - Web of kindness

Objective:

To demonstrate behaviors girls can practice to extend kindness to the Target

being bullied.

Materials:

• Large paper or poster board

• Markers

• Masking tape

• Large ball of untangled yarn

Pre meeting preparation:

Write the following Bullying/Relational Aggression “helping” strategies on a

large sheet of paper or poster board.

• The Target can stand up for herself or tell an adult.

• The Bully can stop and apologize to the Target.

• The Assistant Bully can move away from the Bully or stop laughing.

• The Bystanders can stand next to the Target or tell an adult.

• The Defenders can tell the Bully to stop, support the Target, tell an adult

or change the subject.

Activity directions:

• Have the girls stand in a circle.

Ask an adult volunteer to stand

outside the circle and act as the

Bully. You will stand inside the

circle and act as the Target.

• Explain that you have just been

bullied. For the second day in a

row, the Bully has said you cannot

play with her at recess. All the

girls in the circle represent the

Bystander. Ask each girl to take a

minute and think about what she

could do to help you.

• One by one, ask each girl to state

what she will do to become a

Defender. (Tell an adult; tell the

Bully “Stop;” or say something

nice to the Target). After each girl

states her helping strategy, hand

her the yarn. Make sure the girls

know to keep holding onto the

yarn.

• Zigzag back and forth across the

circle, asking each girl what she

would do to help and giving each

the yarn to hold onto. The yarn

should begin to look like a spider

web, with you “caught” in the

center of it.

• Once each girl has had her turn,

ask the girls what the yarn (with

you “caught” in the center)

looks like. They will say “spider

web,” “star,” etc. Tell them that

before, you were feeling very

sad and lonely, but now, they

have “caught” you in their Web

of Kindness. Every time rude

behavior or bullying happens,

they can make a huge difference

for the Target.

• Also ask the girls what you could

have done to defend yourself.

Activity 6 - Everyone belongs here bracelet

Objective:

Girls will understand that everyone in the troop belongs and that we all

benefit from one another’s differences.

Materials:

• Pony beads in colors as noted below

• Star beads (one per girl)

• Elastic cord

• Scissors

• Plastic or paper cups or bowls

• Labels for each color bead

Bead colors and meanings:

Blue – good at science

Yellow – good at math

Pink – good at reading

Purple – good at art

Green – good at games

Orange – good at sports

Pre meeting preparation:

• Sort beads by color into cups or bowls; label cups or bowls with

meaning for each color bead.

• Pre-cut elastic cord to the size appropriate to fit on girls’ wrists. Knot

on one end to keep beads from slipping off the end.

• Slip a star bead on each cord and slide down to the knot.

Activity directions:

• Show girls the different colors of

beads and talk about what each

color represents.

• Explain that each of them is

good at different things. And,

with all of them and their skills

combined, the troop is a great,

strong combination of many

talents that can come together to

accomplish many things.

• Ask them to think about which of

the 3 characteristics represented

by the different color beads best

describe themselves.

• Hand out the elastic cord with the

star bead on it.

• Explain that no matter what each

of them is good at, they are all

“stars” that shine brightly when

they use their personal talents.

• Have the girls take several of each

of their 3 colors that describe

them, and add them to their

string.

• Tie the string ends together to

make a bracelet.

• Have the girls compare the

colors of their bracelets. Lead a

discussion about the differences

and the similarities in the

bracelets and how this reflects

the differences and similarities

in the girls. Make the statement

that, “Everyone belongs here, and

everyone is a valuable member of

the troop.”

Girl Scout NO BULLIES Pledge. See the

pledge on p. 20. Make enough copies

for each girl to have one. Have the girls

say the pledge together. Have each girl

sign her pledge and take home.

Bullying: Is Anyone Listening, by Sharp Literacy, Inc.

As mentioned, this book served as an inspiration to develop a resource for you as a

Girl Scout leader. Addressing this issue by being observant and proactive, you can

help the girls in your troop take action toward preventing and stopping the hurtful

words and actions of bullying.

Below are some excerpts and illustrations to give you a glimpse of its powerful

content. Hopefully these feeling shared by children will encourage you to

read more, and most importantly do all you can to stop these types of hurtful

occurrences.

“Anxiety “ from page 39

When bullying occurs, I am usually the bystander of it. I am the person who

watches the event happen. I have watched the bully push books out of the

person’s hands. I have watched the bully trip the person in the hallways. I have

watched the bully call the helpless people names. I admit that I was one of those

laughing bystanders who didn’t do anything but stand there.

Thinking back on all of those times when I just stood there and watched the event

take place, makes my stomach do somersaults over and over and over. It felt like a

giant had punched me in the stomach.

Bullying in my opinion is terrifying for kids. It happens all the time. I feel bad for all

the people I’ve seen that have been picked on. I regret not having done something

about it. Bullying can be like robbing a bank because you rob the victims of their

happiness in life.

From p. 63

Bullies are mean people. Did

U know they just do it because

they want to

Look tough. Others do it because

they need

Love from their parents or friends.

But sometimes they need help

from people like

You.

“Tell Someone” from p. 26

If you hear a bully talking, tell an

adult or a friend. When I was in 3rd

grade I had a bully pushing me and

talking to me, and it made me feel

bad all the time. He said terrible

things about me that were not true.

I was getting angry with myself.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I

talked with my mom and dad about

it. They told me that I had to forget

it, so I tried not to think about it

for a while. I listened to them, but I

couldn’t forget it because he was

always there treating me like I was

no one.

My parents said that everyday I had

to come home and talk to them

about my day and that helped me

to figure out what to do and how

to handle my problems. So, if you

have a bully hurting you, talk to an

adult or good friend.

Resources

Childrens books:

Cosby, Bill. The Meanest Thing to Say. New York: Scholastic Inc., 1997.

DePino, Catherine. Blue Cheese Breath and Stinky Feet. Washington D.C.:

Magination Press, 2004

Estes, Eleanor. The Hundred Dresses. New York: Scholastic, 1973.

Ludwig, Trudy. My Secret Bully. California: Tricycle Press, 2005

McCain, Becky. Nobody Knew What To Do: A Story About Bullying. Florida:

Magnetix Corporation, 2002.

Moss, Peggy. Say Something. Maine: Tilbury House, 2004.

Adult books:

Deak, JoAnn and Teresa Barker. Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and

Courageous Daughters. New York: Hyperion, 2002.

Coloroso, Barbara. The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander: From

Preschool to High School, Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle

of Violence. New York: Harpercollins, 2004.

Dellasega, Cheryl and Charisse Nixon. Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End

Female Bullying. New York: Fireside, Simon & Schuster, Inc., 2003.

Freedman, Judy S. Easing the Teasing: Helping Your Child Cope with Name

Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying. New York: Contemporary Books,

McGraw-Hill, 2002.

Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.

San Diego: Harcourt Books, 2002.

Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Speaks Out: Girls Write About Bullies, Cliques,

Popularity, and Jealousy. San Diego: Harcourt Books, 2004.

Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter

Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence.

New York: Three Rivers Press, 2002.

Websites:

bullying.org

eyesonbullying.org

netsmartz.org

stopbullying.org

stopbullying.hrsa.gov

teachingtolerance.org

People & places to contact

School counselor or administrator

Pediatrician or nurse

Children’s Hospital and Health System

– Child Abuse Prevention Fund:

capfund.org

Psychologist

Mental health professionals through

your local health department

Power Play Signs - Girl Scout Brownie

Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender; Assistant Bully

Bully/Aggressor

(the person who is being mean)

Bully/Aggressor

(the person who is being mean)

Power Play Signs - Girl Scout Brownie

Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender; Assistant Bully

Bystander

(does not like what the Bully is

but doesn’t know what to do or is

afraid to help)

Bystander

(does not like what the Bully is

but doesn’t know what to do or is

afraid to help)

Power Play Signs - Girl Scout Brownie

Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender; Assistant Bully

Target

(is hurt by the Bully)

Target

(is hurt by the Bully)

Power Play Signs - Girl Scout Brownie

Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender; Assistant Bully

Defender

(helps the Target)

Defender

(helps the Target)

Power Play Signs - Girl Scout Brownie

Bully; Bystander; Target; Defender; Assistant Bully

Assistant Bully/Aggressor

(stands next to the Bully and/or

laughs along)

Assistant Bully/Aggressor

(stands next to the Bully and/or

laughs along)

Friendship Recipe Cards

Good Listener

Helpful

Caring

Friendly

Accepting

Sharing

Fun

Friendship Recipe Cards

Good Listener

Helpful

Caring

Friendly

Accepting

Sharing

Fun

1. We will be kind to each other.

2. We will include girls who are left out.

3. We will report any bullying we see or hear.

Girl Signature:

Date: Troop #:

1. We will be kind to each other.

2. We will include girls who are left out.

3. We will report any bullying we see or hear.

Girl Signature:

Date: Troop #:

Girl Scout Brownie

No Bullies Troop Pledge

Girl Scout Brownie

No Bullies Troop Pledge