The Tug of War Child: Counseling Children Involved in High Conflict

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Article 46

The Tug of War Child: Counseling Children Involved

in High Conflict Divorces

Paper based on a program presented at the 2013 American Counseling Association Conference,

March 22, Cincinnati, OH.

Ruth O. Moore, Ann Ordway, and Joshua Francis

Moore, Ruth O., is a Core faculty member for the Master’s in Mental Health

Counseling Program at Walden University and has 18 years experience in the

field. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Certified Counselor.

She is a frequent presenter in the areas of abuse/trauma, play therapy, and

parental alienation. She has also been qualified as an expert witness in criminal,

chancery, and youth court for her involvement with children who have

experienced physical and sexual abuse, parental alienation, and custody and

visitation issues.

Ordway, Ann, is an instructor in the Psychology and Counseling Department at

Fairleigh Dickinson University. She has 25 years experience as a court-appointed

Guardian ad Litem and Law Guardian. Ann is a frequent presenter in the areas of

high conflict divorce, court testimony, parenting coordination, and parental

alienation.

Francis, Joshua, is the owner and director of Francis Counseling and

Consultation Center and an adjunct professor for Xavier University. He is a

frequent presenter on topics related to addictions, expert witness and court

testimony, counselor self-care, high conflict divorce, and parental alienation.

Abstract

An increasing number of children are involved in counseling due to high-conflict

divorce and custody disputes (Baker & Andre, 2008; Ellis & Boyan, 2010).

Parental alienation occurs when a parent repeatedly and intentionally denigrates

the other parent to the child to impair the child’s relationship with the opposed

parent (Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012). Counselors who are not familiar with the

dynamics among high-conflict divorce cases can ultimately do harm to the clients

involved, as well as be at risk for legal and ethical ramifications.

Thus,

counselors must be able to identify parental alienation among children and

provide effective treatment to prevent further alienation with the opposed

parent. This article will describe the complex emotional symptoms often

experienced by alienated children, as well as treatment implications. Particular

emphasis will be given to multidisciplinary collaboration and relevant legal and

ethical guidelines.

Keywords: divorce, parental alienation, multidisciplinary collaboration

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Each year, large numbers of children become involved in counseling due to high

conflict divorces and custody disputes (Baker & Andre, 2008; Ellis & Boyan, 2010).

Ideally, parents bring children to therapy to help them process their emotions and cope

with the multiple changes that occur before, during, and after a divorce. However, some

parents have negative agendas and inappropriately involve their children in counseling to

gain leverage in custody disputes (Gardner, 1989). Such involvement often results in

divided loyalties, alignments, estrangements, and alienation among children (Fidler, Bala,

& Saini, 2013).

Parental alienation occurs when a parent repeatedly denigrates the other parent to

the child with the intent to cause impairment in the child’s relationship with the opposed

parent (Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012). Gardner (1985, 1989) discussed one particular

outcome of parental alienation known as parental alienation syndrome, which involves a

variety of complex emotional symptoms resulting from a parent’s deliberate actions to

distance the child from the other parent. Such actions destroy the familial bond and

affectional ties that once existed (Gardner, 1989). Children who experience alienation

from a parent often present with anger and hostility (Gardner, 1985, 1989). They also

have difficulty with decision-making and emotional expression, and they can be highly

resistant to therapy (Fidler et al., 2013). Thus, counselors who work with alienated

children are challenged with the tasks of establishing a therapeutic connection and

breaking through their emotional barriers. Counselors must also be armed with a host of

creative counseling techniques in order to gain a realistic perspective of the child’s

emotional world, assess the severity of the child’s emotional and behavioral symptoms,

and facilitate emotional expression (Moore, Ordway, & Francis, 2012). Most importantly,

counselors must maintain an allegiance to the child without being influenced by attorneys

or parents (Snow & Cash, 2008).

Families involved in high conflict divorces are often in need of a variety of

professional services, including counseling, evaluation, legal representation, and

parenting coordination (Fidler et al., 2013). Therefore, multiple professionals will likely

have simultaneous involvement in these cases. Counselors must be familiar with their

specific role in the case and engage in regular communication with the other

professionals involved (Snow & Cash, 2008). When counselors are unfamiliar with the

complex dynamics that exist during high conflict divorces and do not consult with all of

the professionals involved, the family’s crisis may become more severe (Moore et al.,

2012). Counselors are also more at risk for legal ramifications or ethical sanctions when

they do not have an accurate picture of the family dynamics (Moore et al., 2012).

Understanding High Conflict Divorce

Each year, approximately 1.2 million marriages in the United States end in

divorce (U.S. Census Bureau, 2013), and 10% of divorcing families have disagreements

over custody of dependents (Luftman, Veltkamp, Clark, Lannacone, & Snooks, 2005). As

a result, counselors may provide services to children who are involved in high conflict

divorces (Baker & Andre, 2008; Ellis & Boyan, 2010). In order to provide effective

treatment, counselors must have a clear definition of high conflict divorces (Moore et al.,

2012). Not all divorces are high conflict divorces. Many children experience adjustment

difficulties as a result of parental divorce. Such difficulties are normal reactions to the

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multiple changes that have occurred in the family unit, and the symptoms generally

diminish over time (Moore et al., 2012). However, high conflict divorces typically exist

when there is a recent, up-coming, or potential custody dispute (Gardner, 1985). Such

divorces may have had ongoing court involvement with multiple petitions for change of

custody or visitation, and one or both parents may harbor feelings of bitterness and

resentment toward the other (Gardner, 1985, 1989). Such ill-feelings lead to behaviors

that alienate the child from the opposite parent (Gardner, 1985, 1989). For example, a

parent may speak negatively about the other parent in the child’s presence or discourage

contact between the child and the other parent. Exposing the child to negative messages

creates anger and confusion for the child. As a result, the child may refuse to visit the

opposed parent and express feelings of anger toward that parent in counseling. The

child’s feelings are based largely on the negative messages given to the child from the

alienating parent.

The first author once worked with a 5-year-old child whose parents had recently

divorced and were involved in an ongoing custody battle. The child told the author in the

first session that she did not want to visit her father, because he had done “bad things.”

When asked to elaborate, the child said, “He had an affair.” The author stated, “Hmm.

I’m not sure I know what an affair is. What is an affair?” The child stated, “I don’t know.

But, I know it’s not good. It’s really bad.” In this case, the child had heard her mother

speak negatively about her father which prevented her from wanting to spend time with

him. Thus, counselors who are working with families involved in high conflict divorces

must have a clear understanding of the existing family dynamics before entering into a

therapeutic relationship.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Gardner (1985, 1989) identified parental alienation syndrome (PAS) as being

present among children when they have anger and hostility toward one parent, the

targeted parent (TP), without justification. The alienating parent (AP) engages in

behaviors to intentionally disrupt the bond that exists between the targeted parent and the

alienated child (Gardner, 1985). An alienated child (AC) then develops complex

emotional symptoms, depending on the severity of the alienating behaviors to which the

child has been exposed (Gardner, 1985, 1989). Gardner (1985) posed three types of

parental alienation which include mild, moderate, and severe.

Mild parental alienation. Children who suffer from mild parental alienation may

be hesitant to visit with the targeted parent, but they generally adjust appropriately once

they are there (Gardner, 1985). They exhibit few emotional or behavioral difficulties

during the visit and have minimal levels of anger and hostility toward the TP (Gardner,

1985). In counseling, these children may express minor dissatisfaction in their

relationship with the TP. For example, the first author once worked with a 7-year-old

child who expressed anger toward her father. She said that she did not like to go for

visitation, because her father was “selfish.” When asked to elaborate, she said, “He’s late

with his child support each month but has no problem spending money on a new house.”

When the author asked the child what child support was, the child said, “It’s just

something my dad is supposed to do.” The child did not have a thorough understanding

of the financial arrangements, yet she adopted her mother’s frustrations with her father.

The child’s level of alienation was mild, in that she was able to enjoy her visits with her

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father and adjust fairly well during their time together. Her anger toward her father was

transient and occurred primarily when she was in her mother’s care.

Moderate parental alienation. Children who suffer from moderate parental

alienation have a greater amount of anger and hostility toward the TP than children with

mild parental alienation (Gardner, 1985). They experience difficulty transitioning to the

TP’s home during visitation and may be intermittently antagonistic during the visit

(Gardner, 1985, 1989). The child may take on the alienating parent’s beliefs about the TP

and insist that no one has influenced the child’s opinion (Gardner, 1985, 1989). For

example, the first author once worked with a 9-year-old child and a 14-year-old

adolescent who were alienated from their mother. The family was a member of the

Jehovah’s Witness community, and the mother decided to change religions when she got

divorced. The father told the children that the mother had a boyfriend, and he was the

reason that she changed religions. The father insisted that the mother abandoned them, as

well as their religious community because of her relationship with her “boyfriend.”

However, the mother did not have a boyfriend. During a counseling session with the 9-

year-old child, he stated that he hated his mother. When asked to elaborate, he mentioned

that she would never have “everlasting life.” He spoke at great length about his religious

beliefs and how his mother betrayed the family and their religion. When visiting his

mother, he became oppositional when she asked him to perform simple tasks such as

brushing his teeth. The mother expressed frustration about his behavior but also indicated

that there were moments during their visits when he seemed to enjoy his time with her. In

his counseling sessions, he denied that his father, brother, or anyone else had ever spoken

negatively about his mother. However, his disclosures in therapy were identical to those

given by his brother except the brother’s level of anger and hostility was much more

severe.

Severe parental alienation. Children who suffer from severe parental alienation

will likely present with intense feelings of anger and hostility toward the targeted parent

with a much greater intensity than children with mild or moderate parental alienation

(Gardner, 1985, 1989). They have extreme difficulty transitioning for visitation, and they

often refuse to visit (Gardner, 1985, 1989). The child takes on the alienating parent’s

negative views of the targeted parent yet denies that such feelings have been influenced

by anyone else (Gardner, 1985, 1989). The child may also harbor feelings of anger and

bitterness toward extended family members with no justification (Darnall, 1998; Gardner,

1985). For, example, the first author worked with a 9-year-old child who had been

severely alienated from the father. The child previously had a close relationship with her

father, stepmother, and siblings in the blended family. The father wanted to have more

time with his daughter during summer visitation; however, the mother refused to give

him additional time. Therefore, the father decided to petition the court for an increase in

visitation time, and the mother became enraged. The child suddenly refused to visit her

father and developed an intense fear of the stepmother. The child locked herself in the

bathroom when her father came to get her for visitation, and she hysterically refused to

come out. Her father felt powerless and did not want to force her to visit. Therefore, he

started accepting her refusal to visit. The child eventually refused gifts from him, as well

as from her paternal grandmother. The child also began making statements about her

hatred toward her 5-year-old half-brother with whom she always had a close relationship.

When asked about her anger toward her father, she stated, “He only cares about himself.”

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She also added, “He loves his boys more than me.” When asked about her fear toward the

stepmother, she stated that her stepmother was a “witch with a capital B.” However, she

did not provide any further specifics. During the counseling sessions, the child had

difficulty expressing why she did not want to go for the visits. Instead, she anxiously

insisted, “I just don’t want to go. I just don’t want to go. I’m just not comfortable.” At

one point during the course of therapy, the child had not seen her father for 6 months due

to her refusal to attend the visitation. The author asked the mother about the child’s

reasons for not wanting to go. The mother said, “I don’t know what is going on over

there. But, there must be something, because she gets anxious and refuses to go.” The

mother added, “And, there’s nothing that I can do about it, so he will have to figure it out

himself.” The mother denied speaking negatively about the father in the child’s presence.

However, the child later disclosed in therapy that her mother and maternal grandmother

told her that her father “left” her mother when she was pregnant [with the child] and

began dating the stepmother while “he was still married to my mom.” The child added,

“He adopted those boys and took them as his own. I guess I wasn’t good enough.” Thus,

the child had received extensive negative messages about her father, but she continued to

deny being influenced by anyone else.

Types of Alienating Parents

Darnall (1998) stated that parents alienate children for different reasons, thus

there are different types of alienating parents. Counselors should have a thorough

understanding of the types of alienating parents to determine the best course of action

when establishing a treatment plan.

The naïve alienator. A naïve alienator is generally passive in the child’s

relationship with the other parent (Darnall, 1998). The naïve alienator does not intend to

cause problems in the child’s relationship with the targeted parent; however, subtle

negative comments may be made on an occasional basis (Darnall, 1998). For example,

the first author once worked with a 6-year-old child in therapy who was having trouble

transitioning for visits with her father. When the author met with the mother, she stated,

“I’d be surprised if he even shows up. I know how he is. I was married to him for 7

years.” The mother often made similar comments in front of the child. And, while her

comments were not meant to intentionally alienate the child from her father, the child

experienced tension and anxiety when transitioning to her father’s home. The mother was

accepting of feedback in the counseling sessions and gained an understanding of how her

comments were negatively influencing the child and preventing her from adjusting

appropriately. Naïve alienators are generally open to feedback and try to avoid making

negative comments in the future (Darnall, 1998).

The active alienator. Active alienators recognize that they should not alienate the

child from the other parent; however, they often react impulsively based on their

unresolved feelings of anger, pain, and resentment (Darnall, 1998). Such parents often

feel guilty after making negative comments about the other parent, yet they continue to

engage in such behavior. For example, the first author once worked with an 8-year-old

child in therapy. The child was having trouble adjusting to visitation with his father and

often stated during their visits that he wanted to return to the mother’s home. The author

met with the father to get an update on their recent visit. The father stated, “I need to tell

you what happened this weekend. He [the child] asked me if I would let him go back to

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his mother’s house for the night instead of having to spend the night. I know I shouldn’t

have said it, but I did. I said, you think your mom is so great but she isn’t. She is a selfish

bitch who will do anything to get her way. You just wait. You’ll see.” The father knew

that his comments were inappropriate; however, he was so angry about the divorce that

he had difficulty refraining from making such comments. And, although the father felt

guilty for making such statements, he continued to make such harsh comments in the

child’s presence.

The obsessed alienator. The obsessed alienator can pose significant challenges

for the counselor (Darnall, 1998). Obsessed alienators want revenge against the targeted

parent, thus they engage in behaviors to intentionally destroy the child’s relationship with

the TP (Darnall, 1998). Obsessed alienators are resistant to feedback and often insist that

their actions are justified because the TP is somehow deserving of maltreatment (Darnall,

1998). For example, the first author once worked with a child in therapy whose parents

had been involved in an ongoing custody battle for over 7 years. The father and

stepmother had primary physical custody of the child because the mother agreed to the

custody arrangement many years prior when she was abusing prescription drugs. The

father and stepmother refused to send the child for visitation, because they insisted that

the mother was “unsafe.” And, even when the mother’s drug addiction was in remission,

they refused to send the child for visitation, because they felt that the mother would

eventually resume using drugs. The author reminded the father and stepmother of the

importance of following the court order, as well as their obligation to encourage the

child’s relationship with the mother. The father angrily stated, “I’m not going to

encourage that relationship. I’m never going to encourage that relationship! She [the

mother] deserves what she gets. She did this to herself!” Thus, the father had no intention

of refraining from alienating the child from the mother. His anger and bitterness toward

the mother prevented him from making rational decisions that were in the best interest of

the child.

Alienating parents may vacillate between roles, in that an alienator may naively

make comments to alienate the child from the TP in some instances, but during other

times, the alienator may make active attempts to alienate the child (Darnall, 1998).

Obsessed alienators tend to function solely with the purpose of destroying the TP

(Darnall, 1998). Thus, once a parent becomes an obsessed alienator, the parent is unlikely

to resist further actions to alienate the child (Darnall, 1998).

Parental Alienation Versus Parental Alienation Syndrome

There is debate among professionals as to whether parental alienation syndrome

actually exists (Rand, 2011). In spite of many attempts to include parental alienation

syndrome as an official disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental

Disorders, it has not been included

(Houchin, Ranseen, Hash, & Bartnicki, 2012). Thus,

some professionals are hesitant to use the term parental alienation syndrome when it is

not recognized as an actual mental disorder. Other professionals use the term parental

alienation and recognize that there are complex emotional dynamics that exist among

children who are involved in high conflict divorces; however, they feel that no specific

set of symptoms has been consistently identified to classify a syndrome (Baker &

Darnall, 2007; Carrey, 2011; Kelly & Johnston, 2001). Many feel that parental alienation

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is more of a legal argument resulting from an adversarial process and is not a syndrome

or disorder (Carrey, 2011; Houchin et al., 2012).

There are other professionals who do not believe that parental alienation

syndrome exists, largely because of the criticisms associated with Gardner’s work.

Gardner has been criticized in the literature as being biased in favor of fathers who are

involved in custody litigation (Walker, Brantley, & Rigsbee, 2004). Furthermore, many

professionals feel that Gardner’s work did not take into consideration that a child’s

resistance to visitation could be the result of serious issues that exist in the parent-child

relationship, thus a child’s resistance to visitation is not necessarily representative of

parental alienation (Margolin & Lund, 1993; Walker et al., 2004). Gardner is also

criticized for ignoring allegations of child sexual abuse in custody disputes and is felt to

have quickly assumed that allegations of abuse made during custody disputes were an

immediate sign of parental alienation (Walker et al., 2004). Children may have legitimate

fears toward a parent, and those fears may or may not be exacerbated by the other parent

(Margolin & Lund, 1993). Therefore, counselors should carefully explore children’s fears

without making assumptions about the cause of those fears. And even if a child’s fear

does not seem justified, the child’s fear is real. Thus, counselors must convey empathy

and understanding when validating a child’s emotions without responding in ways to

further alienate the child (Fidler et al., 2013).

Regardless of whether parental alienation is a diagnosable syndrome, children

who are exposed to parental alienation present with strong feelings of anger, fear, and

hostility (Moore et al., 2012). Counselors must be able to identify children who are

affected by parental alienation, as well as find ways to break through the child’s

emotional barriers and establish a therapeutic connection (Moore et al., 2012).

Assessment of Parental Alienation

There are times when attorneys refer children and families who are involved in

custody litigation to counseling (Moore & Simpson, 2012). Some parents may also seek

counseling for their children independently and have hopes that the counselor will make a

custody recommendation in their favor (Moore & Simpson, 2012). Unfortunately, many

parents are not forthcoming with information about their court involvement, thus their

hidden agendas may not be transparent. And, if the family was not referred by an

attorney, the counselor may not be aware that the family is involved in a custody dispute

or have a clear understanding of the complex family dynamics that exist. Counseling is

unlikely to be effective if counselors are not aware that a high conflict divorce is

occurring (Moore et al., 2012). Thus, counselors should be aware of the potential

indicators that a high conflict divorce is present among a family.

Potential Indicators of High Conflict Divorces Among Parents

During the initial session with a divorced parent, a counselor may notice that the

parent speaks negatively of the other parent (Darnall, 1998; Fidler et al., 2013). The

parent may discuss, at great length, the problems that existed during the marriage hoping

to negatively influence the counselor’s view of the other parent. The counselor may also

notice that the parent expresses strong feelings of anger, betrayal, and resentment toward

the other parent. Many times, the parent will resist or refuse to involve the other parent in

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the child’s therapy (Gardner, 1989). Such behavior could potentially indicate that

parental alienation exists, particularly if the child’s presenting issue is anger toward the

opposite parent or resistance to visitation. The parent may make excuses for not sending

the child for visitation or engage in passive aggressive behavior when the child refuses to

attend (Gardner, 1989). For example, the first author once had a parent say, “She [the

child] hasn’t seen her father in 3 months. I mean, what am I supposed to do when she

refuses to go? It’s not like I can make her go.” In a different session with the same parent,

the parent said, “She didn’t see her father this weekend. She had a sore throat and was

running a fever. I didn’t want her to get out when she didn’t feel well.” The parent did not

believe that the child’s father was capable of taking care of the child when she was sick;

therefore, the mother made excuses for not sending the child.

When counselors become aware that a family is going through or has recently

gone through a divorce, they should ask about court involvement. Counselors should

request a copy of the most recent court order to ensure that they have accurate

information about visitation and custody arrangements (Moore et al., 2012). In many

cases, both parents must consent to medical treatment (including counseling) before

treatment is initiated. Thus, in order for counselors to avoid potential legal and ethical

issues, they should be familiar with the terms of the court order and follow them precisely

(Snow & Letzring, 2009). Counselors should also try to determine the level of severity of

the child’s symptoms, as well as the parent’s reason for alienating the child (Darnall,

1998; Margolin & Lund, 1993). For example, is the child suffering from mild parental

alienation as a result of a naïve alienator’s subtle negative comments about the targeted

parent? Or is the child experiencing severe parental alienation as a result of an obsessed

alienator’s desire to sever the child’s emotional attachment to the TP? Such information

is important when determining the assessment methods to be used, as well as in

developing the treatment plan. Thus, counselors should conduct a thorough assessment

with an emphasis on family systems and history (Moore et al., 2012).

Emotional and Behavioral Indicators of Parental Alienation Among Children

Children who have been exposed to parental alienation appear fairly comfortable

in counseling when discussing their feelings of anger and hostility toward the targeted

parent (Gardner, 1985). They may also express feelings of fear toward the TP with little

hesitation or guilt and provide few facts to support the existence of their fears (Darnall,

1998; Gardner, 1985). Some children may make negative statements about the TP that

seem scripted or coached (Darnall, 1998; Gardner, 1985, 1989). They may report

additional psychosomatic complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches, particularly

when it is close to visitation time (Darnall, 1998). Furthermore, alienated children may

freely share a variety of trivial complaints about the TP’s house (Darnall, 1998). For

example, the third author worked with an alienated child who insisted that she did not

want to visit the father’s house, because “the dog stinks.” The child’s anger and

discomfort was in excess of what would be typically expected in such a situation.

While alienated children can be verbally forthcoming when sharing negative

feelings about the targeted parent, they may seem disconnected in the counseling

relationship and resistant to the counselor’s attempts to establish rapport (Moore et al,

2012). They may have blunted or flat affect and avoid questions related to their

relationship with the TP (Gardner, 1989). Alienated children may become uncomfortable

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or anxious during the session because they feel an obligation to respond in a manner that

is encouraged or rewarded by the alienating parent (Gardner, 1989). Counselors should

also remember that alienated children often have limited information, in that their

disclosures are directly related to the alienating parent’s negative messages. Therefore, a

counselor’s probes may trigger significant feelings of anxiety and confusion for alienated

children because they have not been given the information necessary to provide further

elaboration.

Treatment

Children who are exposed to parental alienation are likely to have relationship

difficulties in adulthood if they are not involved in effective treatment during childhood

(Baker, 2007; Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012). Baker (2007) found that adults who were

alienated as children reported experiencing high incidences of depression, low self-

esteem, mistrust, divorce, and alcohol and drug abuse. The participants attributed these

issues to the emotional abuse and trauma that they experienced during alienation. Ben-

Ami and Baker (2012) found similar findings to Baker (2007) but added that adults who

experienced parental alienation as children reported having low self-sufficiency, as well

as insecure attachment styles.

For children, the presence of intense anger and hostility toward a parent creates

emotional turbulence and results in emotional dysregulation (Darnell, 1998). Alienated

children have difficulty controlling their emotions, are more prone to experience

symptoms of anxiety, and have problems managing their anger (Macklem, 2008). Such

issues have been found to be directly related to serious psychological disorders in

childhood (Macklem, 2008). Thus, not protecting children from exposure to parental

conflict and alienation is detrimental to their emotional well-being. However, treating

children who have been exposed to parental alienation is challenging. Ultimately, the

goal is to facilitate emotional healing for the child while re-establishing the parent-child

connection (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Fidler et al., 2013). Counselors must maintain an

allegiance to the child, while helping the child see the benefits of enhancing the

relationship with the TP (Ellis & Boyan, 2010). Due to the child’s resistance, counseling

is often a slow, long-term process, and several counselors may be needed to meet the

family’s treatment goals (Margolin & Lund, 1993). For example, the alienated child

needs individual therapy to work through feelings of anger and fear and gain support

while adjusting to changes within the family unit. The targeted parent and the alienated

child need family counseling to re-establish the parent-child connection and develop a

meaningful attachment (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Margolin & Lund, 1993). Moreover, both

the alienating parent and the targeted parent need individual counseling to work through

their feelings of anger, fear, betrayal, and hostility so that their emotions do not influence

the child’s ability to heal from the divorce (Darnall, 1998). The parents need to provide a

safe environment where they can grieve the loss of the marriage, cope with the multiple

life changes that have occurred, and find a new purpose (Moore et al., 2012). Thus, the

treatment needs of the family are diverse, and having multiple counselors involved can

ensure that counselors adhere to their designated role without developing conflicts of

interest (Moore et al., 2012).

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The Counselor’s Role in Multidisciplinary Collaboration

Counselors will often have to collaborate with a variety of professionals who have

been appointed by the court to service families who are affected by high conflict divorce

and parental alienation (Fidler et al., 2013; Margolin & Lund, 1993). Multidisciplinary

collaboration can be helpful, in that a comprehensive treatment plan can be created and

implemented to build family cohesion (Moore et al., 2012). However, counselors must be

cognizant of the fact that when court professionals do not engage in regular

communication, a family’s crisis may become more severe (Fidler et al., 2013). And,

although multidisciplinary collaboration is essential when working with high conflict

divorce cases, determining the specific roles of the professionals involved and creating a

strategic family plan can be difficult (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Fidler et al., 2013). Thus,

counselors must have a clear understanding of their distinct role in the case and work

closely with the members of the multidisciplinary team in order for treatment to be

successful (Moore et al., 2012).

Counselors as Advocates

A counselor’s role in traditional therapy is generally well understood by helping

professionals. In that, counselors establish a therapeutic relationship, validate the client’s

feelings, and help the client sort through given options to reach a more desirable

outcome. Counselors who work with high conflict divorce cases assume this same role in

counseling with the added component of advocacy (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Fidler et al.,

2013). In high conflict divorce cases, one of the most challenging components of the

therapeutic relationship involves being aware of the fine line that exists between

validating and supporting a child through advocacy efforts versus further entrenching the

child and the parents in the dysfunctional family dynamic associated with parental

alienation (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Fidler et al., 2013). In other words, some counselors

may hear a child’s story and adopt the story as being the truth instead of recognizing that

the story is the child’s perspective of the truth which could be based on outside

influences. Thus, counselors may be quick to validate the child’s feelings associated with

the negative parental messages and inadvertently perpetuate resistance and cause the

child to remain stuck in the familiar challenge. For example, the first author once had a

supervisee who was counseling a five-year-old child who was alienated from his father.

The father admittedly had an extramarital affair while he was married to the mother and

continued the relationship after they were divorced. The father and his partner were

planning to get married in the next 6 months. The mother insisted that the child was

uncomfortable with the father’s relationship and wanted the counselor to write a letter to

her attorney recommending that the child not visit with his father, because the child was

uncomfortable being around the father’s partner. During one of the sessions, the child

told the counselor, “I don’t want to see my daddy. I don’t like his girlfriend. I don’t like

being around her.” Although he later told the counselor that his father’s girlfriend was

nice and discussed several “fun” things they did together, he insisted that he did not want

to be around her. The child also stated that his father was “mean” because he “yelled at

my mommy.” During supervision, the supervisee asked the author if he should write a

letter recommending that visitation be supervised until the child became more

comfortable. The counselor was tempted to write the letter because he felt pressured by

Ideas and Research You Can Use: VISTAS 2013

the mother. He also felt that he was obligated to be the “voice for the child,” and the child

clearly expressed that he did not feel comfortable visiting the father. However, the child

had been significantly influenced by the mother’s negative messages. The author

encouraged the supervisee to consider other ways to respond in the situation to avoid

further alienating the child from the father. The supervisee began conducting family

therapy sessions with the father and child which helped them re-establish their existing

bond. The child also felt more comfortable when transitioning for visitation. This

example demonstrates how a counselor who is untrained in the dynamics of high conflict

divorce has the potential to promote further alienation by aligning with the child and

speaking solely as the child’s voice when making recommendations instead of

considering all of the extraneous variables.

Pertinent Legal and Ethical Considerations

Counselors should be aware of the potential legal and ethical issues that may arise

in high conflict divorce cases (Moore & Simpson, 2012). According the American

Counseling Association’s Code of Ethics (ACA, 2005), counselors should function only

within their designated role in the case (A.5.e). For example, counselors should not opine

regarding custody when their role has not been one of a forensic custody evaluator

(Moore & Simpson, 2012; Snow & Cash, 2008; Snow & Letzring, 2009). Counselors

should also avoid changing roles in the case as much as possible. However, in the event

that a change in role must occur, counselors must obtain informed consent from the client

and make the client aware of the right to refuse the services related to the change (ACA,

2005, A.5.e). For instance, if a counselor is ordered by the court to conduct a forensic

evaluation after being involved in a therapeutic relationship with the client, the counselor

should explain the role change to the client. Ideally, it is best for counselors to avoid such

changes in roles; however, when they are inevitable, counselors should take the necessary

steps to keep the client informed of the potential risks involved and protect the client

from harm. Moreover, counselors should only provide services within their boundaries of

competence (ACA, 2005, C.2.a). Counselors should not assume a role in a case if they do

not have the appropriate education and training to perform those duties. Counselors

should remain clear of their role in a case and avoid giving recommendations that are

outside of their role, especially in areas where they lack competence. Consider the

following example. Suppose a counselor is conducting individual therapy with a child

whose parents are involved in a high conflict divorce and custody dispute. The counselor

has met with both parents separately on multiple occasions. The Guardian ad Litem asks

the counselor to write a letter to the court giving a custody recommendation based on the

counselor’s knowledge of the parents and their interactions with the child. The counselor

has no training in custody evaluation or parenting coordination. If the counselor wrote

such a letter, the counselor would be in violation of the code of ethics because the

counselor would be operating in a new role that was outside the boundary of competence.

Thus, counselors should be familiar with their role in high conflict divorce cases, make

their role clear when collaborating with other professionals, and function only within that

role (Moore & Simpson, 2012).

Ideas and Research You Can Use: VISTAS 2013

Conclusion

Counselors who work with high conflict divorce cases must have a thorough

understanding of the complex dynamics that exist in these cases in order to provide

effective treatment. Multiple counselors will need to be involved to provide

comprehensive treatment, and multidisciplinary collaboration is essential to develop a

strategic family plan to re-establish the parent-child connection (Moore et al., 2012). But,

given the complex nature of these cases, how do counselors provide effective treatment,

collaborate with other professionals, and maintain an allegiance to the client, while

avoiding legal and ethical pitfalls? How do multiple professionals work together without

contaminating the therapeutic process or doing potential harm to the child?

The authors feel strongly that multidisciplinary collaboration is essential in high

conflict divorce cases. And, while the literature strongly supports the need for a

multidisciplinary approach to treatment, there is little information in the literature

specifically discussing how to create a multidisciplinary team, assign designated roles,

and ensure that the team works together for the best interest of the child. Thus, additional

research is needed in the area of parental alienation to address the gaps in the literature.

The authors propose that by conducting comprehensive assessments, developing more

effective treatment strategies, advocating for the rights of children, and creating a specific

protocol for the multidisciplinary team, fewer families would suffer from the long-term

effects of parental alienation.

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Note: This paper is part of the annual VISTAS project sponsored by the American Counseling Association.

Find more information on the project at: http://counselingoutfitters.com/vistas/VISTAS_Home.htm